Being Christian
by Leah N. Cross
Summary: It's been three years since Landon lost Jamie and he doesn't know what to do next. He's going to school and doing what he's suppose to but everyone can see he's misrable. Then his life is turned around when he meets a young thirteen year old girl who looks just her but gets into a whole lot of trouble!
1. Good bye, Jamie

Landon laid next to Jamie in her hospital bed. It was once one of the most forbidon things to do, but that was before they were married, before they were told her illness was getting worse and these will definately be her last hours. Her father had already said his goodbyes and to her request, he went home and surrounded himself around his friends and family, but Landon couldn't do that.

He let her talk. She did most of the talking anyway in their relationship, but he needed her to talk. That way she wouldn't easily slip into the eternal slumber. Even if it was just a few more moments extra, he took advantage of every second. Typically she was talking about school and how she forgot to turn in her english paper. "Landon? Would you turn it in for me? I promise Mr. Baker I would." Landon didn't answer. Instead he gave her a quiet promise and pushed himself closer to her. Every now and then Jamie would smile and laugh about moments in her childhood, she would remind him of when they were kids and how short life feels. Then...

"Landon?" She asked turning her gaze toward him. They were facing eachother now. "Have you ever thought about having kids?" He sat up, turning away from her and letting his face fall into his hands. Being young he hadn't thought about it, but sitting here with her . All he's thinking about is what could have been. Kids, a house, parent teacher night and ect, but she's dying and he couldn't help to feel even more helpless than usual. I mean this was his wife! He's supposed to protect her and he can't. She's dying and there is _nothing_ he can do about it. "Landon?" Jamie put her hand on his back, "I'm sorry." At that his heart melted. He wasn't mad, he just didn't want her to see him so weak. He needed to be strong for her, even for the last few moments. He needed her to remember him strong.

Grabbing her hand, he lowered his head, pressing her palm against his cheek. Knowing he couldn't say it in words he silently nodded his head.

Smiling she said, "Me too. I've always wanted a boy and his name would be Able. Faithful and obidiant to God. Strong but sensitive." The more she talked about it, the harder he held on to her.

"Like you?" His voice cracking. He tried to make it stop, to act normal, but he can't. Tears were filling his eyes and running down his cheeks.

Then she pulled away her hand lifting his chin, so he would look at her. Her smile was beautiful but it broke his heart continuously. Shattering even the already broken pieces. He thought he would be ready for this. Thought he was prepared but nothing can prepare you for this. There is never enough time to say goodbye. Finally she said it, "Like us." They looked at eachother for what only felt like a moment before Jamie said, "Come here."

Too weak to sit up, Landon lowered his head closer to her's untill the space between them disapeared and his lips gently touched her's. The kiss was simple but beautiful all at the same time, but to his horror once his pulled away he heard it. It was ear peircing and loud. He felt like pulling it out of the wall and throwing it out of the window. Jamie's eyes didn't open again and though he knew she wouldn't wake up again he tried to shake her awake anyway.

Instead he heard that loud high pitch sound.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

"Jamie," he called to her, but nothing, "Jamie!"

Finally the nurse came in and tried to pull him away.

"Jamie! No come back," he cried, "One more minute please!"

Finally the nurse successfully removed him from the room. The rest was more of a blurr.


	2. Let's Talk

3 years later

He was at work filing some papers and doing his job. just like he does every day. No complants and no problems. His co-workers were on their computers typing away, murmering with each other and laughing at eachother's jokes. Landon stayed quiet in his station and doing his job. He doesn't talk to them much. Doesn't really see quite the point. They're supposed to do their jobs too but becaue the boss wasn't around, they do what they want. It was then a very annoyed Hegbert Sullivan stomped his way through the office, his eyes darting around the room untill they found Landon Carter. "You!" He bellowed from across the room, pointing at him.

First thought to go through his head, _What the hell, Hegbert?_

"C'mon Landon," he said grabbing Landon by the arm, "We're leaving."

"Wa-wait! I'm working!" Landon told him annoyed. He didn't like it when someone was telling him what to do, especially Hegbert. Not out of rebellion but because every time he see's him, he thought of Jamie and the last moment they shared. "I'll get fired!"

"No you won't! I already called your boss!"

At that they were out the door, leaving gossiping co-workers in their wake.

"What do you want Hegbert?" Landon asked very irritably as they walked down the sidewalk outside his work building. He was taken alittle surprised that Landon called him by his first name but at the same time saw it coming. Truth be told, when his wife died, he was going through the same thing and he would not let Landon suffer alone. He at least had Jamie but Landon doesn't even have that. A child that came from her, so in a way it's like she never left. But mostly, Hegbert knew Landon needed God, but right now Landon was blinded in his anger.

Finally after two minutes of pure thought, Sulivan put his hand on Landon's shoulder, "Son," he said confidently, "I'm going to buy you a drink."

...

"You're twenty-one, right," Hegbert asked him. Landon nodded his head in reassurance. He didn't want to be there. He didn't want to see him. Images and memories of Jamie flood his head and it's driving him insane. He doesn't know how much he could handle it. When the bar tender reaches them and asks for their order. Hegbert orders a beer but Landon asks for the strongest they've got. It dissapoints Sulivan a little but Landon doesn't care. If he's going to talk to Jamie's father and drink, then he's going to drink. They give him a shot of expensive vodka. If Hegbert didn't want to pay for it then Landon will, it stinks like rubbing alchohal, but that's how you know it's the right stuff and he swollows it down in whole. It burns as it slides down his throat and though the feeling is unpleasant, Landon orders another one.

"Landon," Sulivan starts. Oh no! Here it comes. What Landon has been dreading. It's the reason he's been avoiding this old fool. He takes another shot and gulps it down, telling the bartender to keep them coming. "I know what you're doing and I know how you feel."

Landon is trying not to listen, and Sulivan knows this but he continues, "The day I lost my wife, was the worst day of my life. Hell," he said surprisingly. Landon didn't think he was capable of cursing, but every one is human. Even Hegbert. "It was the worst five years of my life and I couldn't look at my baby girl in the face." Hearing him talk about Jamie makes Landon sick to his stomach. He can't handle hearing her name. He wants to leave. Like. Now! Landon keeps gulping down shots. They've been at the bar for only thirty minutes and he's already had thirteen shots. An unlucky number for an unlucky young man.

Hegbert knew his story wasn't going to convince Landon there and almost regretted going. He knew all Landon needed was time. "Landon, if you need to talk to anyone. Anyone at all. I'm always here and not as a pastor, but as a friend."

Almost touched Landon placed a hand on Hegbert's shoulder and looked at him all glossy eyed. He was going to cry. He could feel it coming. Not because of Hegbert's kind words, but because he's thinking about Jamie again and of their last conversation. "Thanks, Mr. Sulivan," Landon says sincerely.

"Okay Landon," Hegbert said again, "Why don't we get you home."

Landon nods his head and tries to stand but once he does the room starts to turn and floors start to move in his head and in a moment he's on the floor. Hegbert looks at him in disbelief and mutters under his breath, "Landon Carter... is a light weight. Would have never known."


	3. Karma

"Reverend Sulivan?" Landon's mother gasped in surprise at the sight of him carrying Landon, over one shoulder and bringing him inside, "What happened?" She demanded in whispers, but the worry was clear.

"Oh Landon and I were just having a chat," he assures her, "Nothing to worry about. Just make sure this boy has a bucket and a couple of asprins when he wakes up. I wouldn't want him to ruin your floors."

It took her a full minute and just of whiff of Landon's new body oder to truely understand his words. Slowly but surely she found her words when she asked, "Did you drink with my son?"

Hegbert took Landon in his room and set him down in his bed, he noticed to the sterness of her voice and he turned to her, "I'm sorry. It was really supposed to be just a beer and nothing else, but then hotshot here decided to take on something that, as you can see, is too much for him"

She pulled her hands up in defense, "No it's just.. I'm just surprised that you would do that."

"Well Ms. Carter," he said letting himself out, "There's a story in the bible when Jesus turned water into wine and even I'm no more or less of a sinner than you are. You have yourself a goodnight, now."

...

Landon...? Landon? Haha! Hey, wake up.

Slowly he did. He knew the voices he heard weren't real, because well, they came from someone who couldn't possible be alive. "Landon!" His mother called. That's when he realized he was in his mother's house instead of his apartment, but when she called him it was like drilling holes in his ears. "Landon, your boss called and he said to come back to work on Monday." _It's Tuesday. Why would my boss give me a week off?_ Landon wondered.

Maybe it's because he knew you were going through something rough?

Jamie's voice is as sweet and innocient as he can remember, but hearing it both melted and boiled his heart. He wouldn't like hearing it if he wasn't going to see her face either. He was going crazy.

Maybe

, she replied.

He closed his eyes again. What was new was he felt a small hand run through his hair and he knew it wasn't his mother's. Still he dared not open his eyes again. Either he was crazy or Jamie was still with him.

There're stories about soliders who blow off their arms, and lose their legs in war, and still feel it when they come back home, even though it doesn't exist anymore. The mind isn't used to not having a limb where it's suppose to be and so it creates images and feelings of when it was there. Landon's limb was Jamie. It's been three years since she died and he still hasn't gotten used to the idea of her not being here with him. He see's her every day in the street and on the faces of other women he's never met. He feels her, when he's walking around his apartment alone. He catches glimpses of her reading her bible and looking up and smiling at him. Why would God take her away from him? What did she do to deserve death? He's known many, bullies and future murders walking the streets every day. Cursing at eachother, lying, leaving their kids, killing their kids before they even meet the world, and just cruel cruel people. What did Jamie ever do to deserve such a fate? And if he was her miracle, why couldn't she be his? Well- she was but miracles aren't supposed to die. They just aren't.

Landon once read something in the bible when he was looking for answers and this is what he read

Romans 6:23 - For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

If that is true, then what is Jamie's sin. What did she do to deserve death and if she died, would that mean Landon would die as well?

These are Landon's thoughts and worries, and they swollow him hole like a wave in the ocean crashing down on you, pulling you under soo deep, the light of the sun disapears and you forget which way is up.

He volunteers at the orphanage, because he feels like Jamie is closer with him there. All the children love him too, which was strange to him. He never thought he would enjoy children's company soo much. He's there practically five days a week, after work or after school at the local community college, either way. He finds ways to stay with the kids, but he's not there for just the kids. Making his way to the older kid's side he slids his way past fifteen year old Jeremy Cont. He's been here since Jamie was alive and knew her well. Just like Landon he didn't take her passing very well. Jeremy is a trouble maker, more than Landon. He was taken to jail once for stealing beer out of a conveinence store. He would fight with his real father when he catches a glimpse of him on the streets. He just oozes in anger. When he walks in a room you just can't help but feel angry with him. "Hey Mr. Carter," Jeremy says pushing his way past Landon.

"S'up," Landon greets back just as awkwardly.

He watched him push a kid back into their room, pretty hard. He heard the thump and the impact of the boy's body against the hard wood floor and Jeremy made his way down the hallway as if nothing happened. God knew how much Landon hated watching something like that. He was on his way too, to tell him what's right, when a girl opens her door unexpectantly and looks down the hallway, "I swear," she says leaning on the door, "That boy is meaner than dog with rabies. He's going to get what coming."

"And what's coming?" Landon asks without looking at her. When he finally looks down his heart nearly stops.

She has her brown hair pulled up into a pony tail and her bangs were long and fall over her eye brows. Looking at Landon with her big brown eyes and that small smile Jamie used to give him when she and him were just getting to know eachother. She looked just like her. Jamie, besides the fact she was possible middle school age and she dressed like a tree hugger. She looked just her. It was her face which broke him. It was _exactly_ like her's, when Jamie was in junior high. "Karma," she told him before she skipped down the hall, toward the arts and crafts room.

Did that just really happen? Who is she!?


End file.
